| Krewe
Cuts
I'll Do Anything
For Nutt'en - Big Mike (2003 Rag)
Who would have known the garden
of eden was strewn with
poison ivy? (Big Pimp after finding
out Abbey and Carol sat on a tarp that had poison ivy all over it.
/ 2003 Rag)
Do you know how many muppets they had to kill to make
your fleece jacket? (Chicago Johnny to Big
Pimp / 2003 Rag)
Do you think that dog even realizes it's barking anymore?
(Chicago Johnny to krewe while listening to
a dog bark for 4 strait hours / 2003 Mount Pleasant Rag)
I've got a bug up my ass both figuratively & Literally
(Big Pimp to Chitown Johnny 2003 Rag)
"watch out you're gonna give her a bloody lip"
(Mike Jr to Abbey when Abbey threw a bottle
of sun tan lotion at Carols privates / 2003 Rag )
"there's only one way to kill a mink and it takes
7 days" (jonny b. / Rag 2003)
"come here you dirty dipe" (carol
getting dressed in the morning Rag 2003)
"being on RAGBRAI is like having 6 husbands, you can always
find
one of them to do something for you."
(carol / Rag 2003)
"Mike J is probably my most trusted friend. If
I ever had to cut up a body and get rid of it, I would call Mike
first." (Ray to Chitown Johnny/Rag 2003)
"Riding in this fog, its like extreme cloud-diving."
(Chicago Johnny/Rag 2003)
Who's boning me? Forget it - bone first, ask questions
later. (Abbey / Rag 2003)
Abbey: "I wonder
if that sheriff
would let me poke him in the ass with this balloon animal?"
Pimp: "Which one, the tall sheriff
or the short sheriff?" (Blakesburg /
Rag 2003)
What's a chicken leg doing in my bike bag? (Councilor/Rag
2003)
Type A Guy:
"Turn the music off" Pimp:
"What?" Type
A Guy: " I said turn
it off" Pimp:
"Sir, I don't even have it turned up"
Type A Guy:
"I'm tired of you guys and your Nirvana and Van Halen"
Pimp:
"This is Stevie Wonder sir"
Type A Guy: "OFF"
(Pimp and future stroke victim outside of Blakesburg / Rag 2003)
Where's my wife? (Abbey upon
waking up for the first time in a week w/o the councilor / Rag2003)
"Mike Jr:
I don't know, what's the back of the box say? Mike
Sr: Do not to be take
orally?" (Big Mike: Referring to free
handout NRG pills we had been popping for the past five days)
"My wife said, Mike, I told you an hour ago,
I'll be ready in a minute" (Big Mike
reminiscing a time his wife had him waiting / Bud 2004)
" So did they go underneath or through the nipple"
(Big Pmip asking the Bar Maid about her boob
job / Bud 2004)
" Pimp:
What was her name again? Abbey:
For the fifth time; Emily" (Pimp having
a difficult time remembering the bar maid's name. He was having
trouble getting passed the letter D and the number 42)
Pimp:
"I came from small town here in Iowa. Actually it was so small,
our Drivers Ed and Sex Ed was in the same car....(long pause).....Barmaid:
Yhea I think I know what you
mean. Our French & Spanish class was in this big double wide
trailer behind the school.......(another pause).....Pimp:
"No, you see, I was making a joke about.....................never
mind" (BudRide 2004)
Mikey J:
I grabbed Johnny E's goodie bag Pimp:
OUCH! (PigMan 2004)
If I would have had a better
helmet, sun glasses, and paint scheme I might have won it all.
(Mikey J reflecting on his PigMan performance / 2004)
Pimp:
If you want Italian we can go to this really
expensive place with good food, this moderately priced place with
good food, or this cheap place with great food. Mike:
You're buying right Pimp:
Yep Mikey J:
Let's go to the first place. (night
before PigMan / 2004)
Announcer:
And in the men's 75 - 79 category the winner
is Oakland Demoss. Mikey J: I
remember passing that guy Pimp: "I
remember him too, he had his left turn signal on for the entire
race (Pigman / 2004)
Mikey
J: He's not wearing any pants
Pimp: It's
not nice to point Mike (commenting on the winner of the mens
75-79 group going up to accept his prize PigMan/2004)
Mikey J:
I had a big lasagna dinner last night so I had Bren stop at Casey's
so I could take a dump there and not here; sorry we're a little
late. (Post PigMan / 2004)
Mrs J:
You're not going to believe this, but I was
attacked by a beaver on my ride today. Pimp:
You lucky Bitch (6/27/04)
Mikey J:
I just noticed today that I have a crack in
my frame (carbon fiber) Pimp:
How do you think that happened? Mikey
J: I think it's when the bike
fell off the truck on the interstate Pimp:
Yep, I bet that was it (Tour De Lake
- 7/10/04)
Marty (as Marty): Let
me know what pictures you would like to put on your helmet and I'll
print them off on my super adhesive stickers
Pimp: I
wouldn't put the stickers on my helmet, I'd probably put them on
the back side of my bag Mikey J:
Have fun gett'en those off , Ouch !!! (Tour
De Lake - 7/10/04)
Mike: If
we buy a 6 pack here can we drink it with our breakfast?
Waitress: Have
at it sweetie (Tour
De Lake - 7/10/04)
Waitress: What
do you want hon? Pimp:
I would like everything in the left column
of this menu Waitress:
Do you want white or wheat
toast with that suug? (Tour
De Lake - 7/10/04)
Pimp:
Did you have a good ride today? Big
Mike: It wasn't too bad. You know that DNR lady
that had the burnt out boat? Pimp:
Yhea Big Mike: Well,
when she went by us, the sign
on the boat blew off? Pimp:
Oh Mike, did any body get hurt? Big
Mike: No it landed in middle of the
road so I stopped and picked it up Pimp:
Oh that was nice of
you Big Mike: When
she came back, she was surprised I had the sign Pimp:
Were you setting up so she could find it? Big
Mike: No I had it with me on my bike Pimp:
Wait, what do you mean you had it with you on your bike
Big Mike: I put it
under my left arm and started riding with it Pimp:
You were riding down the road with that big ass sign under your
left arm Big Mike:
Yhea Pimp: I bet she
was surprised, I'm a little surprised and I didn't even see it (Tour
De Lake - 7/10/04)
Abbey:
Unfortunately I had to fly all the way over to France to find out
the French have no rhythm in bed. Pimp:
Ouch !!! Does that mean PePe was pee pee? (7/17/04)
Abbey:
Car 1 / Bianchi ZERO Pimp:
Oh Crap, when? Abbey:
I'm talking to the cop right now Pimp:
Are you OK Abbey:
I think Pimp: Start
pounding the Advil as soon as you can
Abbey:
I'm going to call my Dr. and see if he can write me a script for
some pain pills Pimp:
Those won't do anything for swelling though Abbey:
I know (Phone Call - 7/20/04)
Alan: Merry
Christmas, the shitter's full (Ragbrai 2004)
Abbey:
Those cereal bars are giving me the squirrts. Pimp:
Didn't you say that you were drinking Old Style with Evil all the
way from Chicago? Abbey:
Yhea Pimp: Old Style
all the way from Chicago? Abbey:
Yhea Pimp: And you're
blaming it on some cereal bar? (Ragbrai
2004)
Abbey:
They should change the song from beans and cornbread to liver and
sausage (From the Road/ Ragbrai 2004)
Chad:
Mam, don't give that man a ride, he's a registered sex offender
(Lake View / Ragbrai 2004)
Pimp:
So that thing has a back door too? Al-E-Con:
Yep Pimp: Do you like
to use the back door? Al-E-Con:
Oh Yhea (Lake View / Ragbrai 2004)
Pimp:
I notice when I knocked on our host
door they had a Blessed Virgin Mary sticker on their door Marty:
I guess I've never heard of that team before. (Lake
View / Ragbrai 2004)
Abbey:
Can you tell us the mileage to Banger (Ia)? Cop:
It depends, are you going in the back way to Banger? Pimp:
Can the two of you excuse me while I write something down? (Eldora
/ Ragbrai 2004)
Mike Sr:
I just saw Abbey changing her shirt, did you? Pimp:
No, I looked away Mike Mike Sr:
I didn't (Lake View / Ragbrai 2004)
Pimp:
I got these shorts @ Nashbar
dirt cheap. They're Non Anti Bacterial. Allan:
Don't you mean anti bacterial shorts? Pimp:
No, I mean Non Anit Bacterial. I guess they promote bacteria growth.
By the end of the Bud ride I was swimming in yogurt down there.
(Marshalltown / Ragbrai 2004)
Townie: How
do you pronounce that? Pimp:
I'm sorry, pronounce what? Townie:
That on the side of your bus Pimp:
Oh, um, it's pronounced crew-ba-or Townie:
That's what I thought, It's German right? Pimp:
Somthing like that
Alan:
I really have to adjust these goggles by quite a bit Clerk:
Sir, these are made for small children.
Joyce's Friend:
(As Loud As The Voice Can Go)
JOYCE????? JOYCE!!!!!!!!!!!! JOYCE??????????
JOYCE, CAN YOU HEAR ME????? Joyce:
I can hear you Joyce's Friend:
JOYCE???????JOYCE!!!!!!!!Can you see me??????? Joyce:
I can't see you Joyce's Friend:
I'm on top of the WORLD!!!!!!!!!
(Marshalltown 3:20 a.m / Ragbrai 2004)
Mikey:
What
do I have to do for one of those beers? Farmer:
Well I guess if you rode to the bottom of
the hill (mike just came up) I can
part with one Mike:
that hill is like 3/4 of a mile long
Farmer: Yep
Mike: I
want one from the bottom of the cooler
Ragbrai Rider:
I'm sorry to bother you, but is there any
place in town where we can buy some whiskey? Elderly
Woman: Gosh, I don't think so, but
everyone in town says the man at the furniture store keeps a flask
in his desk, is it urgent? Ragbrai
Rider: Which store??? (Overheard
in pass through town / Ragbrai 2004)
King James:
They call it the stranger. You lay on your arm long enough and it
feels like someone else is doing it. (Iowa
Falls / Ragbrai 2004)
Zeek (Evil):
Let me put a sticker on your bag Pimp:
What? Zeek: Let me
put a sticker on your nut bag Pimp:
My What Bag???? Zeek:
That bag you're wearing on the front of your kilt (Ft.
Dodge / Ragbrai 2004)
Local Talent:
Would it help if I pulled my pants down? (Ft.
Dodge / Ragbrai 2004)
Marty: What
did you do to Brenda lastnight, she's having a really strong ride
this morning Mikey:
I left her alone (from
the road / Ragbrai 2004)
Alan:
You know the coolest thing about fish seaman
is........(from the road / Ragbrai 2004)
Abbey: Alan,
what is that? Alan:
That me lady is bullshit (sitting
in a really pretty front yard eatting a FarmBoys/ Ragbrai 2004)
Pimp:
This place reeks of updog Alan:
updog??? What's updog???? Pimp:
Not much, wazzz up which You DAWG?????
(from the road / Ragbrai 2004
Marty:
Let's put it this way, I gave her some blinkie beads (From
the Road/ Ragbrai 2004)
Abbey:
Come here and listen to my panties
(Tour De Fat / Omaha 2004)
Nino: Oh
Abbey, you only got the half Nino special. Let me wash my hands
and I'll be right over (Nino's Bar / TDF Omaha
2004)
Pimp:
Are those pickeled egg any good? Nino:
I don't know, everyone that eatten one has died before I could ask
them (Nino's
Bar / TDF Omaha 2004)
Gay Cowboy:
Dude I think I just burned your arm with a cigarette. Pimp:
Yhea, let me verify your suspicion. (Tour
De Fat / Omaha 2004)
Mother to young daughter:
Sara Evans, you get back in this store, there is not a man in a
skirt out here.........I'm sorry, sir. Sara, come back in the store..........
come on. (Tour De Fat / Omaha 2004)
Abbey to Trish:
"wait..wait!!! you need a long brown hairpiece to complete
it!!!!" (Tour De Fat / Omaha 2004)
Abbey to Mike Sr:
"Mike (Sr.) can I please have my panties back? (Tour
De Fat / Omaha 2004)
Abbey:
"Have you ever seen a triple nipple?"
(Tour De Fat / Omaha 2004)
Pimp:
"That place kinda weirded me out a bit.... like there might
be some bodies under the floorboards or somethin"
Abbey: "Yeah, Nino looked like he would be
the guy to contact to take care of that kind of stuff...."
(Tour De Fat / Omaha 2004)
Marty:
" I think it's possible to love your
wife as much when she's 300 miles away from you as it is when she's
sitting right next to you. Actually you would probably love her
more the further away she was. (Pancake Day / Centerville,
Ia 2004)
Marty (as Marty): Dr.
Wolf, assured me that after he drills a few holes in my patella,
retrieves the tendon that has retracted into my upper thigh, reattaches
the patella tendon to the patella using microscopic robotic technology,
and several months of painful rehab; I'll be as good as new. It's
actually a quite simple plan if you think about it. (Email
/ 12/11/04)
Alan:
How much did I have to drink last night? Pimp:
I don't know, I think I only saw you drink 3 or 4 Alan:
When I woke up this morning, all my clothes were ripped to shreds,
my fridge was tipped over, and my T. V. was thrown through my front
window Pimp: were
your pants all ripped except around your groin region? Alan:
Why do you always have to hurt those who love you the most? (Alan
the morning after receiving his own hulk
hand beer coozzies / 12/23/04)
|
