Krewe Cuts 2006

I'm not GAY....... I'm British......(Soulard Mo, Mardi Gras / 2-25-06)

R.L.: Dr. John, are you sure this machine is calibrated? It says I'm morbidly obese, but I only feel embarrassing obese.(Soulard Mo, Mardi Gras / 2-25-06)

Local: Wanna see something cool? Mike: Sure Local: Buy my wife a couple shots and I'll go get her friend Carol. They'll make out like lezbos Mike: Maybe they're bi-sexual Local: Naaaa, English is the only language she can speak. (Ride De Shamrock/ 3-11-06)

R.L : Dude....Doing it on the church steps is so HOT! Local: SHUT UP!!!!! We're dry humping A-HOLE!!!! R.L.: Still HOT!!!! (Ride De Shamrock/ 3-11-06)

A.J. : We're getting ready to have some breakfast........ or lunch......what the hell time is it? Do restaurants still make Brunch? (Des Moines / 4-9-06)

Janet: We didn't know what to bring so we got you an AMF bowling pin.....You don't have one do you? (Tallywhacker / 4-22-06)

Toby: Hey who wants some asparagus I found in the ditch? (Tallywhacker / 4-22-06)

Bill (crotch rockets): Boy what a difference a beer makes (Tallywhacker / 4-22-06)

Janet: Here comes the muffin tops (Tallywhacker / 4-22-06)

Marty: I have no idea what you're doing, but I'm sure as hell not going to clean up anything that squirts out. (Tallywhacker / 4-22-06)

R.L.: Marty, thanks again for bring up that case of Fat Tire. It's been a while since I had a good bowl of cereal. (phone / 4-22-06

AJ: I might try and make the ride tomorrow, but I have to go out and count my dead fish in the morning. R.L.: What does that mean? Is that an old Chinese proverb or something? AJ: No, I really have to go out and count how many fish died over night (phone / 5-05-06)

R.L: Can I get a cheeseburger and fries? Bartender: Sorry, but we just shut the grill & grease off. R.L.: It's only 12:54 pm Bartender: We have to shut it down some time R.L: So you are denying me food? Bartender: Sorry? Mike Jr: Umm, I've got to warn ya, I've seen this movie before, and it does not end as a romance comedy. (Bud ride / 5-6-06) *footnote, they did turn on the grill & grease and R.L got a BEACON cheeseburger and fries.

Rider: Is your name Ray? R.L: Aaaa, I thought maybe we could just aaaaa, maybe pretend like we don't know each other for the day (Bud ride / 5-6-06)

AJ: GOD, can any more D-bags show up? Marty: what about these guys? AJ: You would think GOD would understand SARCASMMMM !!!!!! (Bud ride / 5-6-06)

Mike: What do you guys want to do? We can ride our bikes back or I can call my dad to bring the truck and pick us up. Party Patrol: That girl over there is double pierced and she'll show you if you ask Mike: I'll call my dad. (Bud ride / 5-6-06)

Mike: I'm not sure what the hell they had in the beer @ Slims, but instead of everything slowing down and mellowing out, it was like everything was in fast forward. I distinctly remember hallucinating that two guys from Beaver Puddle had Mexican wrestling mask on and they were just beating the hell out of each other. It was like I was ready to jump down the rabbit hole or sump'than. Maybe Slim's just needs to clean out their taper lines but, ......it was just......crazy. (phone / 5-8-06)

A.J: Have you seen the crane game out @ Walmart in C'ville? R.L.: I think so. A.J: Did you notice who owns the game? R.L.: No Who? A.J.: SugarBox Amusement. Do you think it's possible the porn world is getting into plushy toy gamming? (phone / 5-15-06)

Cyclist: I couldn't help but noticing the grass is looking pretty green on your side of the fence. Teammate: Yhea, she got a boob job in February.(Vinte De Mayo Ride / 5-20-06)

R.L: Are you guys still riding. Mike: Nope, We're done for the day R.L.: I wish we were. We're 30 miles in and have 27 left. Mike: See, there's your problem, you don't know when to stop. We got to 15 miles in and said "We could click off another 45 if really we WANTED". So here we sit, drinking Fat Tire beer and; well we're just drinking beer, but we could be doing somrthing else if we really WANTED. (Fat Annie's Ride / 5-20-06)

R.L.: Why don't you just stay here tonight and head home tomorrow? A.J.: No, I should really get home and rub down my pork for tomorrow. (Vinte De Mayo Ride / 5-20-06)

Mike Sr: I've got to get up here and tape off these lights R.L.: Mike, you know Down is the new Up Mike Sr: What's that supposed to mean? R.L.: I don't know Mike Sr.: I don't know either (Pimping of the Bus / 6-11-06)

A.J.: Reese is over there peeing your dog (Cooper) Mike: Really? A.J: He really doesn't appeared to be bothered by it though Mike: Which one, Reese or Cooper? A.J: Actually both appear quite content (Pimping of the Bus / 6-11-06)

A.J.: Jager bombs and margarita's do not a lazy Sunday afternoon make. (Swimming Pool Incident / 7-2-06)

R.L: Man and I thought I was short on miles Mike: We'll, I've got like 16 days left to train. R.L.: What'a mean? Ragbrai's in 6 days Mike: Oh man.............. that kind'a snuck up on me. We'll I got six days to train, that should be about right shouldn't it? Is it hilly this year? (phone call / 7/17/06)

Abbey: There is no "C" in beaver (Ragbrai / 7-23-06)

Local: What do you have under your Kilt? R.L.: My Shoes (Ragbrai / 7-23-06)

R.L: I bet my man here could eat 50 hard boiled eggs Volunteer: We're asking people to just take two sir (Ragbrai / 7-26-06)

Big Mike : Maybe the reason you are always flat is because your nipples are poking through (Ragbrai / 7-26-06)

Little Girls: "IF YOUR NAME IS LANCE ARMSTORNG, STOP IN FOR YOUR FREE LARGE ICE TEA" (Ragbrai / 7-26-06)

Pam: There goes Lance R.L: And any chance I had of winning Ragbrai this year (Ragbrai / 7-26-06)

Officer Shaffer: Son, please don't lick that tattoo on the young lady's thigh A.J.: Why not sir? Officer Shaffer: Because it might get some young mans warm tinglies going, and the last thing we need tonight is to get someone's warm tinglies going. (Ragbrai / 7-26-06)

Abbey: BUUUURRRRRRRRPPPPPPP!!!! Sorry, it's my allergies (Ragbrai / 7-26-06)

Recumbent Rider in Bib Overalls: Hey Feller, what happend to the short hairs on your legs? A.J: I had them waxed off Bent Rider: You ain't from round here are ya? (Ragbrai / 7-27-06)

R.L.: Pam, let's say that you are after a person that clearly had blood in their stool. When you come out of the KYBO that person is still standing there talking. Do you go up to them and let them know they should be checked out? Pam: You know, I don't think we covered that specific scenario in our ethics class in medical school. I say you should probably go with your gut. (Ragbrai / 7-27-06)

Road Sign: Lance stop in for a $100 donation. Matthew McConaughey stop in for a free tray of Nachos (Ragbrai / 7-27-06)

Marty: I guess I don't understand how this tent works Mike: You just pick a hole and ram the pole in Marty: Won't it rip it? Mike: They're built to stretch a little. Marty: Well, I guess I should start ramm'en then (Ragbrai / 7-27-06)

Friend of the Krewe: I'll tell you why girls like to kiss other girls. Because they're soft, they smell good, and they don't kiss too hard. Have you ever kissed a girl? Marty: <nods head yes> Friend of the Krewe: Well, wasn't it better than kissing some stinky old ruff faced guy? (Ragbrai / early 7-27-06)

Pam: Get this man a giant turkey leg STAT!!!! (Ragbrai / early 7-27-06)

R.L.: The defect in this beer is .. Bleach .............Buuuuuurrrrrrrppppp. (Ragbrai / 7-27-06)

Brenda: Hey Ray, the twins are hanging out R.L: Yep (Ragbrai / 7-27-06)

Amanda: No, that's ok, I don't need to see your balls again, put your little skirt down. (Ragbrai / 7-28-06)

Coralville Cop: I'm not sure which direction you were headed, but if it was out the door, I recomend you keep heading that way. (Ragbrai / 7-28-06)

A.J.: My crank extractor isn't quite getting the job done, any ideas? R.L.: Is this a Swedish crank extractor or a Turkish crank extractor? (phone / 11-16-06)

Krewe Kutz From 2005. (We were much funnier then)